New Surroundings

Hello everyone! I have started my new job today and I was absolutely exhausted when I got home. I usually have enough energy to get chores done but today I absolutely could not. I plopped my ass down my the couch with my dog and watched anime.

In past posts (like this one) I’ve spoken about how I once was extroverted but now lean towards an ambivert. That I sometimes get energy from speaking to others while other times it is draining.

Today I spoke to so many people which is not what I am used to. I’m sure every day won’t be like today but I had to meet everyone in the office and have conversations with them. I was with the operations manager all day doing HR paperwork and learning the procedures and the services the organization provides its clients. So much human interaction!!

In my previous job I maybe spoke to 3 or 4 people per day. Today I had to be social which has become increasingly challenging over the years. These new coworkers seem very different from my former ones. They all wanted to chat with me, they seemed like people who know how to hold regular conversations.

The only way I could figure out how to engage with my new colleagues was to ask what their sign was. So I asked nearly everyone what their sign was because I had no idea what to say to anyone. It’s clear they are all friends so it is sometimes hard to fit in to a new work environment when that is the dynamic.

Hopefully tomorrow will involve less human interaction! Cross your fingers for me please!

Hooky or Mental Health Day?

I have put in my letter of resignation at work and will be starting my new job on Nov. 12 which is much too far away. The best way to describe it to the world is having senioritus at 26 and not being in school.

If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, at least in America, when you’re in your final year of high school or university people get senioritus meaning they don’t want to do any work. They’re bored and ready for the next step.

I don’t want to do anything at work right now. I am absolutely dreading going tomorrow which is a way I haven’t felt at my current job before. I’ve usually felt comfortable enough to get through the day when my mental health isn’t the greatest. If I can’t handle it, I go home early.

Feeling the heavy weight of depression for the first time in a while has really been challenging. I’m in that rut where the thought of leaving my house sounds horrible and all I want to do is chill with my pets.

If I choose to not go to work one of the days this week, is that playing hooky or taking a mental health break?

Sure I had the weekend to kind of chill, I mainly shopped and cleaned the house, but I want another day.

**This is where the post gets a little long so you can totally skip this part and I’ll let you know when to come back for the conclusion**

But there’s something else behind not wanting to go other than depression. I take photos as part of my job. I’ve been doing client portraits for the last couple months which has been rewarding for me. What makes this shoot scheduled for tomorrow different is that the client wanted to go to a nearby park to have a shoot with her twin babies who are 10 months old.

I told my supervisor about this and she scoffed, “You’re going to do a family photoshoot with babies? Somebody else is coming along with you, right? I think you should have someone else come with you.”

It hit me in a sensitive spot that has now developed a bruise. I feel incredibly insecure about my ineptitude with babies/young children. It makes me feel like a failure as a woman.

So I don’t want to go and feel like a fool trying to do a shoot with a family while a coworker has to babysit me. The thought of it is humiliating! Therefore I don’t want to go.

**We are back!**

I really want to take a mental health day tomorrow just to be at home. To relax, read, finish season 3 of Jessica Jones (omg it’s ssssooo good) and be with my pets. I feel guilty bailing (see my recent post about me being a flake here) on people especially since the client is counting on me! But I just flat out don’t want to do it.

Any advice, blogosphere?

House Buying Tips: Part 1

So this content is a little different from my usual mental health related ones. One of my lovely subscribers asked if I would share some tips about the home buying process since my boyfriend and I just bought a house in late August. I’m going to do things in chunks so that it’s not a ton of information at once.

Tip 1: Get Your Money Sorted

Before even starting to look at homes, you have to make sure your finances are in check. Whether it’s just you buying your house or you have a partner/spouse, figure out if you have enough saved to make a half decent downpayment. Because we were first time homebuyers, we put down 3% but typically they want you to put down 20% of the cost of the house.

We both had a few thousand dollars saved so we only had enough to do the minimum downpayment at closing. If you do 20% you don’t have to pay mortgage insurance either. We aren’t doing that because we got a really good deal.

Also consider how much of a mortgage payment you can afford now. If you are doing well with the amount fo rent you’re paying, try to find a house that would allow you to have a similar payment.

Tip 2: What do you want?

Once you begin looking at houses online (we used Trulia and Zillow) have a list of some non-negotiables you want your home to have. For us we without a doubt wanted off-street parking, a yard and central air conditioning. When you have those essentials in mind, you won’t be wasting your time looking at places that don’t work for you and your family.

Also of course the location of the home is important. We looked in four different towns in our area for homes but luckily bought ours in my favorite neighborhood in my hometown. I spent my first four years in a house two blocks away and used to work at the Wendy’s nearby (which is now sadly closed).

Tip 3: Price Range

Since you have all your money sorted, figure out your price range. We were looking at house $100,000 to $130,000. Stick to your budget, you don’t want to end up in a house you can’t afford.

Tip 4: See As Many Houses As Possible

See lots of houses. By seeing a lot of different places, you’ll get a better understanding of what is best for you and want will make you and your family happy.

Ok that’s it for this! The next post I will talk about the worst part…mortgages. GASP! The part that had me so anxious my hands were shaking on a regular basis. I got blood work done it was so bad I thought I had a thyroid issue.

I hope you found this helpful 🙂

 

 

A New Opportunity

More change may be on my horizon.

Last week I got a call from a local organization that helps people who have HIV/AIDS in my community. I had met the boss a few years ago when I worked at the newspaper, I did a big story for them.

I’m guessing she had been watching me from afar (not in a creepy way) but seeing what I do for work at my current job at a women’s shelter. She called and said, “Megan I have the perfect job for you. When can you start?” No interview process or anything, I could start tomorrow if I wanted to.

She wants me to do marketing and communications for the organization. To help the community better understand what they do and get the word out about their services. She has even changed the job description for me because I told her I don’t like doing secretarially work. Like what the hell!?

I spoke with her and the assistant director on Tuesday to see what the job was about, get the basics, all that jazz. She told me the hourly rate and I couldn’t believe my eyes. It’s $3 more than I make now so that would really boost my income. I could actually put money into my savings account and pay more on my student loans, two things I haven’t been able to do since buying a home.

But here’s the thing: I really enjoy my current job. If I didn’t like it all that much I wouldn’t mind leaving for something new.

I keep asking myself, “How can I turn down $17 an hour?” I feel like I can’t if I want to get myself in a solid place financially.

Do I leave a place where I’m content for better pay doing a similar job?

I hate making big decisions, it’s really difficult for me. I am seeing my therapist next week to help me sort through everything.

What would you do in this situation if you were offered a job for more money but had to leave a job you enjoyed?

Reflections on World Suicide Prevention Day

Once you have experienced suicidal thoughts, you approach the topic of suicide in a way you couldn’t before. And if you have made suicide attempts you come at the subject from an even more different perspective.

A few months ago at my work someone who was seeking services died by suicide in the building. The conversations that followed regarding the suicide made me squirm. From the words my coworkers spoke, it told me they have never experienced suicidal thoughts or attempted suicide.

Someone said, “Usually there are no signs that somebody is suicidal.”

Another coworker suggested to everyone that we should all smile at the clients more often so that they won’t feel depressed anymore.

I wanted to say, “Ummmm, no. That doesn’t prevent suicide.”

People may say that there are no signs if somebody is suicidal but I disagree (there are exceptions to this I’m sure). Somebody struggling with suicidal thoughts may be putting up a front that they are fine but those closest to them would potentially see their behaviors change, if they are the type of person to pay attention to those around them.

For me I lost a lot of weight, couldn’t eat/had no appetite, slept constantly, laid in bed for hours, cut myself on a daily basis and canceled the few plans that I made with people.

At the beginning of it all I reached out for help. I found a wonderful therapist who I still see today. My doctor always took what I said seriously, she never doubted me or how I was feeling. Both of them were two of the reasons I chose to live.

For a couple weeks I was going to a weekly doctor’s appointment plus two therapy sessions. I told myself that they were both genuinely concerned about me, they wanted to see me alive and get better. So that fueled me to wake up and start my day for weeks.

Suicide is complex. Each person experiences suicidal thoughts differently and needs different things to help them cope.

After dealing with suicidal thoughts and I hear about a suicide, I am sad for them but I also hope that they are now at peace. It makes me sad to know that they were struggling so badly that the only solution they saw was to die.

If you’re reading this and struggling with suicidal thoughts I hope you can talk to a family member, friend, therapist or someone at the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (I highly recommend this, I’ve used it a few times) at 1-800-273-8255.

I’m Back & Overwhelmed!

Forgive me all for not being active on my blog over the last week. I’ve been moving and trying to breathe at the same time.

I have a lot to catch up on in regards to my jobs so I will write up a post as soon as I can.

I received a wonderful comment on a post I did on the Bipolar Writer community blog which I want to share in my next post. It was very insightful about negative thinking and creating positive spaces where we occupy our time.

I will post soon! Can’t wait to catch up with everyone and get back to writing and reading your content!

Leave me a comment, what was the best part of this past week for you? If there was no best part, is there anything you’re looking forward to this week?

100 Followers!

I am so thrilled to announce I have 100 followers on the Be Alright Blog!! My goal was to reach 100 followers and it has now come true.

Thank you to everyone who has subscribed, read/skimmed a post, liked or commented on a post! I appreciate you all so very much 🙂