All my life I’ve always felt that I had to live my life following the orders of others. Mainly my mom. That if she didn’t want me to do something, I obeyed.
At 26 I am finally wrestling with the concept that I need to live my life for myself, on my terms.
I have been living to please other people since I was young. I always thought that if I did what I wanted I was selfish because I should always think of others before myself. That my needs are not as important as somebody else’s needs or happiness.
Here’s an example.
During my final semester of high school I wanted to take a fun class because that’s what seniors in high school do. I had registered to take ceramics, something I had always wanted to learn how to do. I told my mom I was going to take ceramics instead of Honors Spanish 4 because they were at the same time.
She flipped. She asked me why I wouldn’t take a useful class like Spanish instead of wasting my time in ceramics. That Spanish I could use in the real world while ceramics I would never do again after graduation.
I was hurt. I never imagined that she wouldn’t support me in trying something new that I had been interested in.
The next day I went to my guidance counselor and asked to switch me out of ceramics for Spanish.
After school I told my mom I transferred out and she looked at me surprised. “Why did you switch out? I didn’t tell you to switch out.” She may not have told me to transfer but I had been programmed to do what she told me to do even if I didn’t want to.
As I continue to grow into my true self, I am figuring out that I can’t be happy if my goal is to please my mom. I love her but I’m not here to live in obedience to her.
Do you struggle with pleasing others? Please leave me comment letting me know!