Living for Everyone Else

All my life I’ve always felt that I had to live my life following the orders of others. Mainly my mom. That if she didn’t want me to do something, I obeyed.

At 26 I am finally wrestling with the concept that I need to live my life for myself, on my terms.

I have been living to please other people since I was young. I always thought that if I did what I wanted I was selfish because I should always think of others before myself. That my needs are not as important as somebody else’s needs or happiness.

Here’s an example.

During my final semester of high school I wanted to take a fun class because that’s what seniors in high school do. I had registered to take ceramics, something I had always wanted to learn how to do. I told my mom I was going to take ceramics instead of Honors Spanish 4 because they were at the same time.

She flipped. She asked me why I wouldn’t take a useful class like Spanish instead of wasting my time in ceramics. That Spanish I could use in the real world while ceramics I would never do again after graduation.

I was hurt. I never imagined that she wouldn’t support me in trying something new that I had been interested in.

The next day I went to my guidance counselor and asked to switch me out of ceramics for Spanish.

After school I told my mom I transferred out and she looked at me surprised. “Why did you switch out? I didn’t tell you to switch out.” She may not have told me to transfer but I had been programmed to do what she told me to do even if I didn’t want to.

As I continue to grow into my true self, I am figuring out that I can’t be happy if my goal is to please my mom. I love her but I’m not here to live in obedience to her.

Do you struggle with pleasing others? Please leave me comment letting me know!

11 Comments

  1. I’ve always been pretty independent, and tend to be more stubborn than people-pleasing. It’s not like it’s a skill I’ve developed or anything like that. I just don’t like being told what to do.

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  2. I too have been trying to please my mom all of my life. It wasn’t until university when I finally decided to break free of the chains. Today, I live halfway across the country and my relationship with my mom is better because of the distance.

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  3. Hello, Megan… A real pleasure to meet you. I just finished reading your piece that was on Ashley’s site. I’m so glad I did! I could relate to those intrusive thoughts that repeatedly went off in my head back in 2015. I, like you, sought proper care and although I still struggle from time to time with depression and anxiety, I am so much better than I was during that dark, dark time.
    I really look forward to reading more and more about you.
    Take good care of yourself! You’re the one that really matters!!!!
    Beckie

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. It’s nice to meet you too, Beckie! I’m glad that you enjoyed my post on Ashley’s blog! That’s great you received positive care when you needed it the most. Sadly not everyone has that experience.
      You take care of yourself as well!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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