Why Does Productivity = Self Worth?

I had a little meltdown tonight. There were no tears or shouting but my thoughts were speeding down an icy road ready to slip off a cliff.

I have been feeling so lazy lately. I just don’t feel like putting the effort towards much. Today I ran the dishwasher because, you know,  I ran out of forks. The dishes are still sitting in there as I type this.

I feel guilty that I am not keeping a pristine house. I feel like a whale because I haven’t been making healthy food.

The recycling center is closed so there’s a mountain of recyclables on my side porch. I was supposed to put them in the basement. Have I done that yet? Nope.

These dumb chores taunt me. They tell me I am lazy and because I am lazy, I suck.

Yes, the plastic bottles tell me I suck! What is quarantine doing to me?

Why does productivity change the value we see in ourselves? I’m really not sure what the answer is so please leave me a comment if you have an answer!

Is it the drive of perfectionism?

Is it the expectations people have put on us whether it be past or present?

Since I have been feeling like shit, my therapist in the past has had me say some positive things to change my mindset.

3 things going well:
– I spoke with 3 clients on the phone for work even though I was really nervous about it
– It’s snowing outside and I like snow (does this count? I say it does)
– With the stimulus check from the government I am able to save money I wouldn’t have had otherwise

3 things I can do to make myself content/okay/happy this weekend:
– Enjoy the snow while it’s here
– Take time to read
– Do my makeup

3 things to remind myself:
– Your value is not in the number of dust particles you clean up
– You are important to your cats and dog
– It’s okay

Sending positive vibes your way!

10 Comments

  1. It can be easy to think other people are doing things perfectly, or at least better, unless you’re able to check in with others on what their reality is (rather than whatever front they might be putting up).

    There are times when I don’t put away the dishes from the dishwasher until I’ve run out of counterspace because I can’t put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

    There’s guinea pig poop and hay scattered quite liberally around my home.

    The garbage/recycling room in my building is down in the underground parking, so not far, but I’m still resistant to taking things down any more often than is absolutely necessary.

    So, you’re definitely not the only one who isn’t meeting the standard of perfection.

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  2. I love the exercise from your therapist! And the way you completed it 🙂 Doesn’t fighting the good fight against your anxiety, etc. count as productive?? Even if some other people don’t have that on their “to-do” list, it’s important to consider that, since it needs to be prioritized in your life. Hope this helps. Sending positive vibes your way ❤️

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    1. Thank you for your uplifting words, Anna! You’re right, pushing past anxiety is a huge task to take on. It takes so much energy sometimes too! Thank you for the vibes, I send positive ones right back to you 🙂

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  3. Dear Megan,

    I came across your post when I was looking for posts around productivity.
    The top most pile of the posts were filled with productivity tips and how we could boost it.
    Some have blogged about increasing productivity in quarantine period and some have have given professional tips.
    I scrolled through the list until I found yours’ which had this very interesting title.

    I am glad that you capture the point of productivity not being equal to self worth.
    If I think of it now, our ambition to be productive can be rather counterproductive. It pushes us to narrow down our choices, focus on our limited lives and produce an outcome to please everyone.
    So, I think. It is ok to not strive for productivity and live yourself as the moment persists.

    Thanks for the share!

    Liked by 1 person

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