Posts by Megan

A 25-year-old woman trying to survive living with depression and anxiety. I love writing, petting cats, reading books and talking about nerdy stuff.

Overwhelmed and Anxious

My boyfriend and I are taking a big step and are looking to buy a house together.

I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to mess up this process. I’m overwhelmed by all the steps it takes to make this happen like getting pre-approved for a mortgage and setting up house tours.

I am afraid of everything that has to go into this process. I feel like I am going to mess everything up for myself and him. That by the end of it I will have ruined our credit scores, destroyed our relationship, get screwed over and be given a ridiculously high mortgage payment.

I have been rather calm lately but now that we have started this process I can’t help but ruminate on the possibly that I will f*ck it all up. That all of the stuff that can go wrong, will go wrong and it will be all my fault.

I’m not adult enough for this. I’m not smart enough to make the best decisions.

Right now I feel like a child who is getting in way over her head.

What if I ruin everything? I can’t repair a credit score or a relationship if I’ve done serious damage to it. I’m so afraid of failing.

 

Should I Cancel My Dream?

As I’ve stated on this blog numerous times, I love Ariana Grande. I’ve even named this blog after her song “Be Alright” because of how much it’s helped me over the years.

I bought tickets to see Ariana on her Sweetner/Thank U Next tour for June but my plan has fallen apart. My boyfriend was going to go with me but after getting promoted at work he can no longer go along with me. I literally asked everybody that I could stand for two days and everybody said no.

So I will be making the trip and going to the show alone.

I’ve never been to this city before so I have no idea what to expect and I’ve never been to a concert alone.

I have been wanting to see Ariana since I became a fan of hers a few years ago. But now that I am going alone, I am now more anxious than I normally would be because of that. The people closest to me in my life are worried for my safety. They’re worried I’ll get kidnapped or something. But the truth is, so am I.

I’m conflicted in my mind, do I cancel my dream of seeing Ariana perform or do I take the risk of going alone to make that dream a reality?

There are so many women who travel alone who are fine but then there are those who aren’t fine. So I’m really uncertain about what to do.

If you have any thoughts about this or if you’re a woman who has traveled alone/gone to a concert alone, please leave me a comment below! I could really use some insight!

So You Know Part 2

I know I just posted one of these yesterday but a new So You Know came out by Revenge of Eve! Check out the one from Mental Health @ Home too if you like these sorta posts!

  1. Do you see a therapist? If so, how does doing so influence your life?
  2. What is your favorite part of adulthood? Your least favorite (besides bills)?
  3. Are the government officials of your country trustworthy?
  4. How important, scale of 1-10, are leprechauns in the evolution of humans? 1-of least importance 10-required

Let’s go!

1. Yes, I’ve seen a therapist since September 2016 when I hit rock bottom. It has had the best and biggest influence on my life. Without my therapist there is a chance that I wouldn’t be here anymore. She has encouraged me, listened to me, helped me see situations from a different perspective and helped me to cope with my mental illness. With her help, I have been able to go from seeing her twice a week when I started to now going once a month. She is one of the most important people in my life.

2. My favorite part of adulthood is not having to do homework anymore. I loved learning in school but I totally hated doing homework, essays and projects. My least favorite part is that I still live with my mom and don’t have the independence I want.

3. Absolutely not. In America every politicians’ views are fueled by whoever is paying them off. I don’t believe most of them have compassion for regular people because their focus is on money and power. Why do you think many politicians “don’t believe” in climate change? Because they get money from oil and gas companies. Why have there been no dramatic changes in our gun laws? The NRA gives politicians millions to stand by their message.

4. I have never had this thought in my life.

So You Know (SYK)

I love doing these So You Know things! As I’ve said before, it makes me feel like I’m doing a post on the bulletin board on MySpace. Oh the nostalgia!

If you like these, check out ones from two of my favorite bloggers autumnskiesblog and Mental Health @ Home.

  • How was your weekend? Honestly.
  • Describe the clothes you are wearing now. Is this your normal Monday attire?
  • Do you work a 9-5 job?
  • Who do you look like, your Ma or your dad?
  1. This weekend was alright. I volunteered at a cat cafe, no humans were there so I spent time petting and playing with the cats. My goal was to be more social through this volunteering but that hasn’t happened yet. I also picked my bridesmaids dress for my brother’s wedding. I was a bit nervous about trying on dresses because I gained some weight which has been a struggle all my life. But everything was fine!

    My family has been irritating and it’s quite draining mentally.

  2. I am working so my usual work attire consists of black trousers, a nice top and boots. It’s pretty damn cold today so I chose long sleeves.
  3. Technically I work 8-4 but yes. I used to have a job where the hours weren’t always consistent so I like the routine of the same schedule every day.
  4. I look like both my of parents but I think a little more like my dad in the face. I have his nose and head shape while I have my mom’s eyes and hair.

That’s it! I hope you are all having a survivable Monday!

 

Mental and Physical Health are Important

In my previous post, I said I would be writing about some topics regarding Mental Health Awareness Month.

Our overall health is important. I don’t know where it began in the history of the world that if you can’t see the illness, it does not exist.

In school health class we almost exclusively learned about physical health. How we should exercise, eat healthy foods and all the stuff that everybody and their cat knows. I don’t believe we ever spoke about mental wellness though which is a real shame.

It’s honestly a shame that society puts a priority on physical health and neglects mental health. Learning about mental illnesses and how we can take care of our minds is essential information!

I think that mental and physical health go hand in hand.

If I’m very anxious or depressed, I often don’t want to eat or move at all. That can eventually effect my physical health.

The other way around, (my physical health effecting my mental health) I am experiencing now and did last summer too after a car accident. Today is day 3 that I’ve been in serious pain and can’t do anything besides alternate between laying down and walking at the pace of my 89 year-old grammy.

Mentally I’m getting to the point where I am frustrated that I can’t do anything. I’ve been limited to watching TV because I can’t really function. I can’t bend over or even sit up so I’m off work today.

I think finding balance in the cycle is essential to being well overall.

What are your thoughts about this topic? Have you experienced your physical or mental health decline because you were unwell? Leave me comments below!

It’s Mental Health Awareness Month!

May is all about making other humans aware about mental health and all that comes along with it. So I want to cover a few things during this month in regards to mental health.

Here are some of the posts you can expect from me this May:

  • Why mental health is just as important as physical health
  • Awkwardness talking about mental illness
  • Taking care of yourself and knowing your limits

This is all I have so far but these are some topics I want to touch on. It’s so important that everyone sees mental health as something we need to take care of. We need to care about our own mental well being and others’ too.

I hope you can find something of interest to you on my blog this month! Leave me a comment below if you have any other ideas for me!

Attempting to Be Social

As I’ve written in past posts, like this and this, I’ve spoken about how I’ve really struggled with socializing as an adult.

The older I get the fewer friends I have. It is partly because I have lost touch with friends I rarely see, got rid of toxic people and changed jobs two years ago. Now I would say I have 2 solid friends (maybe).

This morning my gas tank was on empty so naturally I went to fill up at the cheapest gas station. On my way I saw a sign for a cat cafe that will be opening soon! I was overjoyed because I love cats. The closest cat cafe is 30 minutes away so it’s not the most convenient.

I said to myself, “I could volunteer there. I could do that.”

So I emailed the place, submitted a volunteer application and will be attending their training this Saturday.

Working at a non-profit full time, I don’t often volunteer. I work with the volunteers that come to my work but I haven’t volunteered with a charity in a really long time. Going through so many ups and downs in my mental health discouraged me from doing anything outside my realm of comfort.

After working all of that out, I’m slightly anxious. Diverting from my normal routine scares me. It makes me uncomfortable when I have to do something different or when I have to be in a new setting. I’ve always had trouble with change even if it’s something small.

I’m going to give it a shot though. I think it would be good for me to get out of the house and maybe make a new crazy cat lady friend. Even if I don’t make a friend, I love cats so I will always have their company.

Do you have any tricks to help you through the anxiety of change?