Not Having the Words

There’s so many feelings in my life that I have not been able to convey because I don’t have the right words. Recently I was given a small heel lift for my left shoe and for the first time, my body feels even.

For a very long time I always felt like my body was crooked. I could feel that somehow my body was off kilter but I thought it was all in my head.

Until Friday.

I’ve been seeing a chiropractor to help treat my lower back pain. Her and I have worked not just on my lower back but loosening and evening out my pelvis and fixing how I walk (most of my family and I walk like ducks).

She told me that my left leg is slightly shorter than my right one so she gave me a short heel lift to fit in my shoes. After she cracked my pelvis and I got treated by one of the therapist ladies, they put the lift in my shoe.

“How’s it feel, Megan?”

I told her it was the first time I felt even in my body! It was odd but quite comfortable to have my pelvis evenly balanced.

Until last week I never had an explanation for why I felt crooked. The older I get the and the more I learn, I find out that a lot of my thoughts have answers and reasons behind them.

Have you ever not had the words to describe something until you heard it from somebody else?

Taking a Break

Hey everyone! I’m sorry I haven’t been very active this week on my blog, I feel like I’ve been going non-stop for days and haven’t had a moment to write for fun.

All week I’ve been getting up extra early to take care of some dogs before work and now I’m watching a different dog, this one I’ve been taking care of for years. Then of course full days of work, my chronic lower back pain has been annoying me and I’ve had general busyness after work too.

I took this upcoming week off and I’m so happy I did. I could really use some time to breathe!

My head is still spinning from this past week so I’m trying my best to calm down this evening. When you’re going on full speed, it gets exhausting by day 5. I keep checking the mental list in my mind with what’s next.

Once I get a good night sleep I am going to write about my back pain that has really become a burden in my life for a month.

Sigh.

We need some positivity so here are three things going well and what I’m looking forward.

  1. The new Jonas Brother’s album makes me grin from ear to ear 🙂
  2. I get to pet cats tomorrow
  3. No work for an entire week!

Living for Everyone Else

All my life I’ve always felt that I had to live my life following the orders of others. Mainly my mom. That if she didn’t want me to do something, I obeyed.

At 26 I am finally wrestling with the concept that I need to live my life for myself, on my terms.

I have been living to please other people since I was young. I always thought that if I did what I wanted I was selfish because I should always think of others before myself. That my needs are not as important as somebody else’s needs or happiness.

Here’s an example.

During my final semester of high school I wanted to take a fun class because that’s what seniors in high school do. I had registered to take ceramics, something I had always wanted to learn how to do. I told my mom I was going to take ceramics instead of Honors Spanish 4 because they were at the same time.

She flipped. She asked me why I wouldn’t take a useful class like Spanish instead of wasting my time in ceramics. That Spanish I could use in the real world while ceramics I would never do again after graduation.

I was hurt. I never imagined that she wouldn’t support me in trying something new that I had been interested in.

The next day I went to my guidance counselor and asked to switch me out of ceramics for Spanish.

After school I told my mom I transferred out and she looked at me surprised. “Why did you switch out? I didn’t tell you to switch out.” She may not have told me to transfer but I had been programmed to do what she told me to do even if I didn’t want to.

As I continue to grow into my true self, I am figuring out that I can’t be happy if my goal is to please my mom. I love her but I’m not here to live in obedience to her.

Do you struggle with pleasing others? Please leave me comment letting me know!