When your fears become a reality it’s scary. My stomach drops and I want to crawl under my desk to hide.
I started a new initiative at work that I was excited about. My boss was excited too. I spoke to all of the parties who would be involved with the initiative before the launch so everyone was on the same page.
The day came and everyone was blind sided somehow. I come in to emails that they are confused and frustrated even though I told everyone the launch date and they were to work shit out themselves.
Now it is on pause. I’m still the newbie at work so I feel like an idiot. I feel stupid for trying to do something innovative.
I can only blame myself for my failure. I clearly missed the mark on communication.
Having my worries realized feels like a win for my anxiety. I can already hear it saying, “of course you failed” and “now nobody is going to want to work with you again. They already don’t like you and now they have another reason why the think you’re shit.”
Is it 5 o’clock yet?
Is it ok to walk around the office with a paper bag over my head?
I have begun a massive project at work which is good for me but also giving me boat loads of anxiety.
I have been kinda bored at work because I don’t have any pressure put on me or any deadlines to meet. I’m a journalist by trade so I will probably forever have the mentality of a reporter even though I’m sadly not in that line of work right now.
My supervisor asked me in December to look into online scheduling for a testing service we provide for the community. There are 2 offices, the one I’m at has a full staff and space to do the testing. The other one is small and doesn’t have many staff members to carry the work load.
So I diligently did my work and found a great fit for the organization. But now that the wheels are in motion to make this a real thing, my anxiety is clawing at my insides.
Staff at the second office voiced concerns that made me doubt myself even though they were legit questions. I felt nervous and attacked even though that wasn’t the case at all.
Nobody enjoys failure but I am terrified of falling flat on my ass in front of all my coworkers. My boss sought me out to work here, I would hate to disappoint her by failing at my first big project.
I’m worried about every little bump in the road that could derail everything.
Yes, failing in life is part of life but I have always been afraid of it. If I fail, it confirms that I’m not good enough. It fuels my depression and anxiety.
Are you afraid of failure? How do you cope if you do fail?
Since September I have been telling myself that I need to find balance. That I am not able to balance everything going on in my life plus the things I need/want to have in my life.
My entire theme of 2020 was going to be about finding balance. During some reflection, I realized that deep down it’s about finding perfection, not balance.
I know I will never be perfect but I have struggled for a long time about wanting to be perfect. To be the perfect writer, girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend and all around human.
A balanced life is a perfect life in my eyes. Being able to juggle everything without having a meltdown every other week would be great! (Yeah that’s something I need to talk to my therapist about.)
I think I’ve been kidding myself with all this talk of balance. Yes I do want to have a more balanced life but I need to remind myself that I will never achieve a perfect life (or even a perfectly balanced one).
With this refreshed thought process about balance I need to reevaluate the word. How can I strive for balance without being swallowed whole by anxiety then dropped at the bottom of a hole with my depression?
Sigh. I left a message for my therapist so I hope I can get in next week.
Do you have anything you’re striving to achieve in 2020? Leave me a comment and tell me!
On Thursday I go back to work for the first time since Dec. 23. My new job gives everyone the end of the year off, something I very much needed and greatly appreciate. Yes, we are paid.
I have been depressed since this morning thinking about returning to the daily boredom and anxiety that comes with work. I love being in my house and having my time be my own. It’s incredible to be so free!
How do I overcome this dread and be positive about it? I’m a pessimist by nature so seeing the positive side of situations can be difficult for me. Sometimes it’s easy but more often than not I can’t quite find the silver lining.
I hope you all have a lovely New Year!! I will likely post once more before 2020 so keep your eyes open!
Hey everyone I hope you’re surviving the holiday season! I know that this can be a very difficult time for people. I am sending you all the positive energy my soul can muster!
Anyway, I’ve been at my new job for exactly 1 month. I have my good days and I have my bad days in regards to my social anxiety and depression.
Yesterday I sat alone in my office for over half the day. I could barely focus on my work so I did a lot of scrolling on my phone to pass the time.
But on the plus side one of my basement dwelling coworkers invited me to join his wife and others for a Dungeons and Dragons campaign! This is something I enjoy playing and am not afraid to share it with you all. If you haven’t judged me yet I think I can share this tidbit about myself.
Being in the basement allows me to hear the muffled conversations happening above me. I kept hearing my one coworker laugh and felt two ways at once: I wanted to be up there laughing too but also I wanted to curl up and hide. It’s challenging to find a balance of sitting alone doing my work and being social with my coworkers.
I wish all of this was easier for me.
We have a holiday party on Friday and I’m getting nervous about it. I’m worried if I’ll have anybody to talk to. At my last two jobs our holiday parties were always outside of the office. The newspaper sent us over to a hotel restaurant (the food is always bad) and my most recent job at the women’s shelter, we went out to dinner as well. We got to bring guests so I always had someone to speak with!
This time around I know it will be awkward. Maybe they’ll let me bring my dog in so then I’ll at least have some company. I can’t bring my two cats, they’re too evil to be out in public, hahaha!
How do you manage holiday work parties if you have social anxiety? Do you have any tricks that help you relax?
It took me a week to ask my coworker if he could connect my computer to the printer. A WEEK! I had no reason to be nervous to ask but my anxiety had me in a chokehold. I had spoken to him numerous times about a variety of topics, he’s a nice dude from what I can tell. But there was something holding me back from asking for help.
My anxiety said, “Megan you’ve had him do so much shit on your computer already, stop asking for help, he’s probably annoyed.” His job is IT guy so it’s what they pay him to do!
On Wednesday and Thursday I had my head between my legs to try and calm myself down because I was so anxious. I tried to listen to some of my favorite pop music to lift me up but it didn’t help.
Every time I get a new job my mental health takes a nose dive. During my 8 hour days I am buzzing with anxiety over speaking to my coworkers and trying to make a good first impression for my boss and supervisor. I leave the office and my mood drops into a depressive state. I force myself to keep busy so I don’t get caught up in my head.
I hope that this anxiety and depression does not last for ages.
Another week, another Working On Us prompt from Ashley at Mental Health @ Home! Check out her original post here.
- Do you own a pet for emotional support and/or service/therapy?
My cats didn’t come into my life for that specific purpose but they definitely help me as emotional support. When I start feeling depressed or anxious I know I can cuddle with my cats. They give me a purpose too. That they would be sad if I wasn’t around anymore.
- Is your pet a certified therapy animal? No.
- What kind of pet do you own? I have 3 cats.
- Do you believe that support animals truly assist those in need? Absolutely.
- Do you believe that any animal can be a therapy/support pet? Yes! Any animal can be supportive.
Describe how your pet is of support to you?
I’ve been pretty depressed lately which makes me lay around in bed a lot. My cats often jump up and lay right next to me, almost as if they’re saying, “I love you and I want to show you that you’re important to me.” They don’t do it at night as often but just having one in my bed makes me feel so much better.