My anxiety is with me when I go to bed and wake up in the morning. It comes with me in the shower, rides in the front seat with me in my car and hangs out in my office at work.
It’s with me on my commute home and sits next to me while I watch the latest season of “The Flash” on Netflix. Anxiety sits in the baby seat in my cart at the grocery store and is lifting weights by my side at the gym.
I feel that I cannot shake anxiety. It is stuck to me like glue.
I have been using CBD oil to try and combat it but it only helps so much. It doesn’t get rid of the racing thoughts, tightness in my chest (that’s not from asthma) or anything like that. It calms me for a bit but then I’m right back to feeling anxious.
My anxiety isn’t intense but it’s more frequent than it has been in a while. Which I don’t appreciate.
For some reason I’m worried about adopting the right cat at the cat cafe that I volunteer at. I worry that some of them won’t get adopted because they’re older (I don’t think they’re old but some people might), are shy/reserved or they aren’t physically pristine on the outside. One of them stress licks his fur off and another had an eye issue but is healed, his face just looks a little different but he’s cute.
I worry that they’ll get sent back to the SPCA where they’ll be euthanized. I don’t wish that for any cat which is why I don’t support the SPCA as an organization. The cafe cats just happen to come from there.
This isn’t the main reason for my anxiety but it certainly adds to it.
As I’ve written about in previous posts, I’ve been working through a difficult bout of emotional/stress binge eating.
For the first time in weeks, today I felt in control. It was odd but also great! My mind partially wanted to dive into my bingey habits but I was able to resist them and focus on other tasks at work.
I ate a large soft pretzel as a mid-morning snack which held me over for hours. It seems that if I have something hearty and sustaining the urge to binge isn’t nearly as strong.My body and mind recognize that I’m full and I don’t need anything more.
I feel proud of myself for being in control today! I got a little snackish (a term meaning you want to eat a lot of snacks) once I got home from work. I had some control over myself so I didn’t go crazy.
Keeping up the control is going to be challenging but I hope that I can do it!
Leave me a comment about the best part of your week! I would love to hear how you all are doing 🙂
P.S. — The photo is Animal in “The Muppets Movie” from a few years ago when he’s in anger management and says, “In control.” Here’s a video clip for reference.
You said it, Elvis!
I seem to always have some annoying health issue going on. At the beginning of the year I was having serious issues with my asthma then I hurt my lower back which caused me severe pain. Now I’m having tremors in my hands.
As many of you who’ve been reading my blog for a while know I love makeup. I love doing my makeup, talking about it, looking at it, all that stuff. I noticed the tremors when I was putting on my mascara and eyeliner a week or two ago.
I thought, “That’s weird. I’ve never been shaky like this before.”
Since then it seems to only be getting worse. It’s worse in the morning then it usually mellows out for the most part by the end of the day. I’m really feeling it this morning so my anxious mind is taking this and running with it.
It’s calming down a little after eating breakfast at the office.
I get so anxious about health related shit. Right now I worry that this is a sign of early on-set Parkinson’s, ALS or MS. I really hope it’s not and it’s something else. The thought of that makes me want to throw up.
I did a little reading and you can have shaky hands from a B12 deficiency, a thyroid issue (which runs in my family) or reacting badly to caffeine.
I’ve rarely had a issue with caffeine, I know my limits and what causes jitters. I can’t drink the very popular cold brew drinks, they have me wired and shaking.
As for B12 I am a vegetarian so getting regular doses of B12 doesn’t always happen. I have started taking supplements for it but it does not seem to be making a difference.
My anxiety is on high. I have an appointment with my doctor but it’s not until next week. I don’t think I can worry I have Parkinson’s for 5 more days.
Cross your fingers for me that I can get in today or tomorrow!
For most of my life I’ve struggled with my weight. For years I took comfort in food which naturally resulted in weight gain.
I’ve hit this point in my life again.
For years if I was struggling with depression or anxiety I couldn’t eat. My stomach would be in knots or I wouldn’t be hungry. Now it’s the total opposite, like I’ve gone back to old habits.
I’m trying to lose weight for my brother’s wedding but my issue with food is very much getting in the way of that. I also am still recovering from a lower back issue so I can only exercise at a very low intensity with breaks between workouts.
Imagine if your 90 year-old grammy was exercising. It’s like that. (I love my 90 year-old grammy just for the record!)
I’m going through a period of depression and anxiety so I know why I’m comfort eating, but I don’t know why my body has switched from under eating to overeating.
What about you? Do you have a challenging relationship with food?
I haven’t done any exercise in two months due to lower back pain that prevented me from doing anything mildly strenuous. I’m a little sore today from doing a very low intensity yoga routine from Yoga with Adrienne. I love her!
I want to get back into exercising but I want to take it really slow. So I turned on a recent video of hers called “Slow Your Roll,” which sounded perfect for my sensitive condition.
The one part of the routine she asked us to sit and bring our knees to our chests then give our legs a hug while resting our heads on our knees. I started crying immediately. Then Adrienne said something along the lines that if we are feeling emotional in this position it’s ok.
It’s like she knew!
It must have been the act of a self hug. I recently watched a video from someone who was talking about a scene in one of my favorite animes where a character gives himself a self hug. In the show, the character was overwhelmed by past trauma and went to a secluded place where he is on the ground hugging himself.
I thought about that scene and how much I resonated with it like never before. The anime is “Fruits Basket” if you’re curious. (If you like this anime/manga, comment me your favorite character! I love Tohru, Prince Yuki and Momiji best.)
ANYWAY, back to yoga.
It is incredible that one yoga routine could bring up such intense emotions for me.
Has this sort of thing ever happened to you? If so, leave me a comment below please!
Hope you guys all have a great week that involves far less crying than me. It’s only Monday morning and I’ve cried so much already!
Do you ever feel like nothing is going your way? The universe wants to fight and it is winning.
Today I majorly fucked up at work. I had done all of the work for this idea I had to start up an Etsy shop as a fundraising effort. I hadn’t received any emails regarding any purchases being made.
Well there was one. That I found out today about an order somebody made a month ago!
I was mortified to see that this customer reached our 5 times, getting no response from me because I put in the wrong email as the contact email. So stupid of me!! She asked for a refund because it was never sent to her and she gave the shop a 1 star.
I can’t blame her for any of her actions, I would have done the same.
I’m mortified that I had this task that I gave to myself and I totally screwed it up. I let down that customer, the organization, the volunteers who made the product and my co-workers. All because I didn’t put the wrong email as the contact!
I feel like a fool.
It doesn’t help that yesterday during a meeting we were all reminded that we could be let go at any time for no reason. I’m already nervous about that so me totally messing up on our only sale makes me worry that I’ll get fired.
In this moment I wish I could be invisible.
As I’ve told you all a million times, I have a serious fear a failure. I think a lot of people do so my situation isn’t entirely unique.
There is so much going on in my life that makes me feel like at any moment I will fail horribly. That my ineptitude will ruin all of the big things going on in my life right now. That I will fail which will derail and destroy everything that I have worked hard to do.
I worry that I will fuck up getting a mortgage for a house, that I don’t make enough money to contribute financially the way I want to, that my piss-poor paychecks will create a rift between my boyfriend and I, that I will destroy my relationship with my mom and probably 100 other things.
(I mention a lot of these things in my last post.)
My mind tells me all of those worries will become reality. That there is little I can do to prevent any of them from happening.
How do you clear your mind when anxiety tells you that you will fail?
I have been feeling anxious these past few days and today. Since my mental health has been pretty good for a while, it almost feels odd to have the weight of anxiety in my chest again.
On Friday I lied to my mom in order to keep a secret from her. As I’ve written on here multiple times, I’m moving in with my boyfriend this year. But the thing is, my mom doesn’t know and I still live with her.
The woman I have been working with to get a pre-approval letter for a mortgage decided to call my mom’s house phone because she claimed to not have my cell phone number. I’ve been banking at that bank for 10 years, they have my cell number.
Since my mom is completely in the dark about this, she was flabbergasted that somebody was calling about a mortgage for me. So I lied to her face, I couldn’t confess to my secret. I told her it must have been a mix up, another Megan. That the woman made a mistake and that I had no plans of taking out a mortgage.
The reason it is a secret is because my mom would flip out on me. We would fight like crazy. She would kick me out of her house and disown me. She wouldn’t love me or care about me anymore. She would say she only has one child, my brother.
I spoke to my brother about it but he made it worse. He continued to put pressure on me, essentially bully me, into telling my mom the truth on Saturday. Him and I spoke in-person on Sunday where we both said how the situation made us anxious. Ultimately I told him this is my life and this situation doesn’t effect him.
So since all of this going on I have felt so anxious! I have been having trouble sleeping, sleeping during the day because I can’t sleep at night, laying in bed a lot and hiding away in my room. All of the signs that my anxiety is high and my depression is low.
I’m seeing my therapist next week so I want to chat with her about this entire situation. I have no idea how to best go about this so I’m hoping her and I can work through it together.
This summer I have a few weddings that I am attending and one that I am going to be a bridesmaid in. In late August my cousin Jess is getting married so it will be the first time the entire family will be together in a long time. Then in September my brother is getting married which I have finally wrapped my head around.
Sure it’ll be great seeing my family and getting to play a part in my brother’s big day BUT I keep worrying about my weight.
In May I decided I was going to stick to an exercise routine and eat around 1,200 calories per day (I’m 5′ 4″). Since then everything has gone down hill which has derailed my efforts. I have been struggling with lower back pain that has prevented me from exercising and I’ve now had back to back fevers.
There is no way I will make it to my goal weight by August 23 for my cousin’s wedding. I keep imaging my family judging me for my weight or making rude comments (to my face or behind my back).
Even for September I don’t know if I’ll be at the weight I’m aiming for. I don’t want to look back on my brother’s wedding photos and cringe at how fat I think I look.
As the days creep closer, my anxiety gets a little louder. I am getting more and more worried about how I will look.
If I am being rational and positive, I’m technically at a normal weight bordering on overweight. Also I’m not going to be anybody’s focus because neither of those days are about me, they’re about the people getting married!
Sigh, I hate weight related anxieties.
Am I the only one who gets super anxious after they make a mistake?
A few minutes ago I had a misunderstanding with the people at my side gig. Everything got worked out but I feel so guilty for misunderstanding!
As I’ve written about before, I struggle with a version of perfectionism that includes I should never make any mistakes. I should always have the correct answer, I should always understand others and I should never mess up.
The moment I huge up the phone my stomach dropped to my butt. My anxiety was ready with the negativity when I pressed “end.”
“Megan, why are you so stupid? You should have known that!”
“They’re going to fire you because of this. You’ve made too many mistakes. Your boss didn’t hire you to make mistakes and he could find somebody else to write who will be perfect.”
I know I can’t be perfect. Hannah Montana told us in 2007, nobody’s perfect.
Being serious, I need to overcome my anxiety and guilt after I make a mistake. I’m not sure how I do that but I don’t want to get gray hairs because of this issue. It takes such a tole on my mental state.