Feeling Insecure

Maybe it’s just me but seeing perfect celebrities makes me feel like shit. I look at these women who are totally perfect (whether they are naturally that way, have a whole team putting them together or they had surgery to get there) I feel so much less than.

If somebody talks about how attractive and sexy a superstar like Beyonce or Nicki Minaj are I think to myself, “I’ll never look like that. What can I offer the world if I don’t look like her?”

I shouldn’t compare myself to these superstars but sometimes I do.

For most of my life I have compared myself to my peers in school and university. I would usually envy how thin they were compared to me, how they dress better than me or how naturally beautiful they were without the need for makeup. It was pretty difficult because I didn’t feel beautiful until my early 20s.

It also goes beyond just celebrities. Instagram can be a positive place but also one where perfect people go to show the world how perfect they are. I scroll through on the discover page and see women that I will never ever look like.

It makes me jealous, insecure and feel like a frumpy slug.

I asked myself, “Why can’t I look like that?” too often. It’s really not great for my mental health.

I sometimes think that if I looked more like some of the girls on Instagram that people would like me more. That my boyfriend would love me more if I looked that way. That he is settling for a frumpy slug when out there I’m sure is an Instagram model looking woman that he could be with.

I even consider deleting my makeup Instagram that I have put so much time and money into because I don’t think I’m pretty or talented enough compared to the others out there.

How does the Internet and social media apps like Insta effect your mental health? Does it ever make you feel insecure about yourself?

Next post is going to be more positive! I’ll write a positive rebuttal to this post so keep your eyes peeled for that soon!

Body Negativity

In the world there has been a push for body positivity, that every body no matter how big, small, light, dark, short or tall each body is uniquely beautiful. It has taken me years feel ok about what I see in the mirror. Today is not one of those days where I look at my reflection and am happy with who looks back.

Today I ruined my day by getting on the scale.

This morning at 8:30 I thought that I should weigh myself, just to see where I am. I had been feeling really good about myself and was hoping the numbers on the scale would reflect that.

Nope!

I shrieked at what the scale told me. I frantically muttered, “No, no, no, no, this can’t be happening!” I have gained 3 or 4 pounds since I had last weighed myself probably a month or so ago.

Seeing that number crushed the confidence that I had just been praising myself on. My mind went into freak out mode. I quickly downloaded “My Fitness Pal” so that I could begin counting calories and monitoring my exercise levels like I used to.

Weighing myself threw me out of the clouds right back down to the reality that I will forever struggle with my weight. That when I get complacent, I gain weight.

It’s so difficult for me to think positively knowing that I’ve gained weight. I have struggled with this my whole life and it seems that this next battle has just begun.