Being an “Essential” Worker

I work at a non-profit that focuses on helping people who are HIV positive as well as doing prevention outreach and testing for HIV and STIs in-house. Since we are a charity that focuses on the health and wellbeing of people with compromised immune systems, we are essential.

Reflecting upon the phrase “essential worker,” I am clumped in with healthcare workers, pharmacists, scientists, grocery store staff, those in food service, etc. I don’t feel like my duties come even close to the level of importance of those groups jobs during this crisis.

I do fucking social media and marketing. My coworkers are the ones who are actually making a difference. They are delivering food to clients, checking in to make sure that they are doing alright and all these other wonderful things.

In my eyes, I am the farthest thing from an essential employee.

The only thing I feel like I have contributed is spreading the word about our mail order condoms program. It’s pretty awesome! Anybody can email us or fill out a form on our website to have a box of condoms shifted to their door.

My coworker told me that her inbox has been blowing up since my press release has ran in a few newspapers and online news sites. That made me feel good. Beyond that I feel like I’m the farthest thing from an essential employee.

Have you been working over the last month or so? If so, are you able to work from home or are you going to your place of employment? If you can’t work, are you getting by alright?

Bursting at the Seams

I’m on the verge of tears.
I want to scream.
I want to punch a punching bag until I wear myself out.
I want to lay in bed until the afternoon.

All for no real reason.

I’ve been working from home for exactly one week now so I don’t see many people anymore. Which is the case for most people across the globe. Naturally I rarely go out except to get food or go to the grocery store.

My mom calls me, I text my brother and a few friends but that’s about it.

I had been doing alright up until yesterday when I was bursting at the seams. I was about to lose it especially after I dragged all of my recycling to the recycling center to find it was closed! They took all the bins away!!

While I was working I texted my brother, “I’m so cranky I can’t even handle myself.”

It’s depression, it’s anxiety, it’s a longing to have life as it once was which I’m sure this is a worldwide feeling. I am not the only one feeling this.

My mental state was in good shape up until yesterday. I honestly thought I could handle this situation. I thought that I could be happy staying in my home with my boyfriend (when he’s not in work), pets, food and internet access.

I have been doing things that I enjoy first thing in the morning like exercising, reading, writing and learning. Maybe it’s not enough, maybe I need more.

How are you coping? Are you cracking or keeping yourself together?