Working on Us

Another week, another Working On Us prompt from Ashley at Mental Health @ Home! Check out her original post here.

  • Do you own a pet for emotional support and/or service/therapy?
    My cats didn’t come into my life for that specific purpose but they definitely help me as emotional support. When I start feeling depressed or anxious I know I can cuddle with my cats. They give me a purpose too. That they would be sad if I wasn’t around anymore.
  • Is your pet a certified therapy animal?  No.
  • What kind of pet do you own?  I have 3 cats.
  • Do you believe that support animals truly assist those in need? Absolutely.
  • Do you believe that any animal can be a therapy/support pet? Yes! Any animal can be supportive.

Describe how your pet is of support to you?

I’ve been pretty depressed lately which makes me lay around in bed a lot. My cats often jump up and lay right next to me, almost as if they’re saying, “I love you and I want to show you that you’re important to me.” They don’t do it at night as often but just having one in my bed makes me feel so much better.

 

Chronic Pain and Mental Health

Since May I have been dealing with lower back pain. At the beginning it was severe and prevented me from functioning normally.

A couple weeks ago I finished up my sessions with my chiropractor (my insurance has run out and I don’t have any more visits left) I was feeling awesome. Literally the next day I was in pain. The pain continues to get worse and it is incredibly frustrating.

I don’t want to go back to the chiropractor, with weekly visits the money really adds up. Sadly it is a luxury to try and receive the medical care that I need.

It makes me so frustrated that I have to live with this chronic pain. I can’t live my life to the fullest because of my back pain. I can’t exercise to the level I desire. Cleaning my bath tub makes the pain so uncomfortable that I end up neglecting it for ages because I don’t want to be in anymore pain. Even going to work and sitting in meetings is painful.

My depression tells me that this pain will be forever. That I will always have to deal with this struggle and not be able to function at full capacity ever again. I won’t ever get to live a pain free life because my body decided to revolt against me.

I’m starting to believe my depression. It’s been months and I have been going up and down with my pain. I want it to stop, I want to move on from this and be happy.

But maybe that’s all just a fantasy.

In Control for a Day

As I’ve written about in previous posts, I’ve been working through a difficult bout of emotional/stress binge eating.

For the first time in weeks, today I felt in control. It was odd but also great! My mind partially wanted to dive into my bingey habits but I was able to resist them and focus on other tasks at work.

I ate a large soft pretzel as a mid-morning snack which held me over for hours. It seems that if I have something hearty and sustaining the urge to binge isn’t nearly as strong.My body and mind recognize that I’m full and I don’t need anything more.

I feel proud of myself for being in control today! I got a little snackish (a term meaning you want to eat a lot of snacks) once I got home from work. I had some control over myself so I didn’t go crazy.

Keeping up the control is going to be challenging but I hope that I can do it!

Leave me a comment about the best part of your week! I would love to hear how you all are doing 🙂

P.S. — The photo is Animal in “The Muppets Movie” from a few years ago when he’s in anger management and says, “In control.”  Here’s a video clip for reference.

Turning to Food for Comfort

For most of my life I’ve struggled with my weight. For years I took comfort in food which naturally resulted in weight gain.

I’ve hit this point in my life again.

For years if I was struggling with depression or anxiety I couldn’t eat. My stomach would be in knots or I wouldn’t be hungry. Now it’s the total opposite, like I’ve gone back to old habits.

I’m trying to lose weight for my brother’s wedding but my issue with food is very much getting in the way of that. I also am still recovering from a lower back issue so I can only exercise at a very low intensity with breaks between workouts.

Imagine if your 90 year-old grammy was exercising. It’s like that. (I love my 90 year-old grammy just for the record!)

I’m going through a period of depression and anxiety so I know why I’m comfort eating, but I don’t know why my body has switched from under eating to overeating.

What about you? Do you have a challenging relationship with food?

 

 

Crying during Yoga

I haven’t done any exercise in two months due to lower back pain that prevented me from doing anything mildly strenuous. I’m a little sore today from doing a very low intensity yoga routine from Yoga with Adrienne. I love her!

I want to get back into exercising but I want to take it really slow. So I turned on a recent video of hers called “Slow Your Roll,” which sounded perfect for my sensitive condition.

The one part of the routine she asked us to sit and bring our knees to our chests then give our legs a hug while resting our heads on our knees. I started crying immediately. Then Adrienne said something along the lines that if we are feeling emotional in this position it’s ok.

It’s like she knew!

It must have been the act of a self hug. I recently watched a video from someone who was talking about a scene in one of my favorite animes where a character gives himself a self hug. In the show, the character was overwhelmed by past trauma and went to a secluded place where he is on the ground hugging himself. kyo

I thought about that scene and how much I resonated with it like never before. The anime is “Fruits Basket” if you’re curious. (If you like this anime/manga, comment me your favorite character! I love Tohru, Prince Yuki and Momiji best.)

ANYWAY,  back to yoga.

It is incredible that one yoga routine could bring up such intense emotions for me.

Has this sort of thing ever happened to you? If so, leave me a comment below please!

Hope you guys all have a great week that involves far less crying than me. It’s only Monday morning and I’ve cried so much already!

So Cranky

I haven’t been sleeping well which I think is the cause of my crankiness. I have been snapping at my family and getting frustrated easily over these last couple weeks.

On Sunday I kept arguing with my brother for no reason. I would pick a fight over nothing at all. As it was happening I asked, “Why am I arguing about this?”

Yesterday I was picking up food to serve at my work’s day camp. Everybody at the store took forever to help me so it took me longer than I wanted it to. I saw the clock and flipped out to myself because I was worried the kids wouldn’t get lunch in time.

But when I got back to work, the kids weren’t even ready for lunch. They were still doing their activity. So I got all worked up and angry for no reason.

I spoke to my therapist about it and she said it could be lack of sleep or it could depression/anxiety. I have been having spurts of depression and anxiety lately but nothing serious.

I struggled with my anger as a kid and teenager. It feels like that but not nearly as intense.

Do you struggle with your anger? Do you have any coping mechanisms that help you stay in control?

I Overcame My Fears!

Guys, I’m back and ready to write about mental health once again! I have a positive story to share today. I overcame my fear of traveling alone (check this post if you don’t know what I’m writing about)!!

Today I got home from my trip to a new city to see my beloved Ariana Grande. As some of you know I named this blog after her song “Be Alright” so seeing her perform was an emotional experience for me. I also plan to get this tattooed on my body at some point soon.

I am about to sound so dumb but I cried multiple times during her show. The first note she belted out my eyes welled up with tears. It was a mix of her amazing voice, disbelief that I was there and how much her music means to me.

When she sang “Be Alright” I was so moved because I really needed to hear those lyrics last night. To translate into regular words, she said, all of these tears will come and go, everything will be alright.

That song has been one I’ve gone back to over and over again when I’m going through a difficult time. “Be Alright” is more than a pop song to me, it is encouragement that things may be hard now but eventually it will be ok. It’s the equivalent of a friend giving me a hug after I’ve spilled my guts to them.

I had tears streaming down my face during her song “Needy”. If you experience anxiety and/or depression, I think there’s a good chance you will also connect deeply with this song. When I first heard it, I cried so of course I cried when she sang it live.

The 2nd verse lyrics are, “Sorry if I’m up and down a lot / Sorry that I think I’m not enough / And sorry if I say sorry way too much.” That sums me up pretty well.

Singing and crying at her show was a wonderful and emotional experience that I am so happy that I had. Overcoming my fears was 100% worth it.

Leave me a comment below of your favorite Ariana song! And even if you don’t enjoy her music still leave me a comment please!

My dad’s favorite is “Bang Bang” which he was disappointed that she didn’t perform, hahaha! My dad is so strange.