Mistakes Make Me Feel Guilty

Am I the only one who gets super anxious after they make a mistake?

A few minutes ago I had a misunderstanding with the people at my side gig. Everything got worked out but I feel so guilty for misunderstanding!

As I’ve written about before, I struggle with a version of perfectionism that includes I should never make any mistakes. I should always have the correct answer, I should always understand others and I should never mess up.

The moment I huge up the phone my stomach dropped to my butt. My anxiety was ready with the negativity when I pressed “end.”

“Megan, why are you so stupid? You should have known that!”

“They’re going to fire you because of this. You’ve made too many mistakes. Your boss didn’t hire you to make mistakes and he could find somebody else to write who will be perfect.”

I know I can’t be perfect. Hannah Montana told us in 2007, nobody’s perfect.

Being serious, I need to overcome my anxiety and guilt after I make a mistake. I’m not sure how I do that but I don’t want to get gray hairs because of this issue. It takes such a tole on my mental state.

Overwhelmed and Anxious

My boyfriend and I are taking a big step and are looking to buy a house together.

I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to mess up this process. I’m overwhelmed by all the steps it takes to make this happen like getting pre-approved for a mortgage and setting up house tours.

I am afraid of everything that has to go into this process. I feel like I am going to mess everything up for myself and him. That by the end of it I will have ruined our credit scores, destroyed our relationship, get screwed over and be given a ridiculously high mortgage payment.

I have been rather calm lately but now that we have started this process I can’t help but ruminate on the possibly that I will f*ck it all up. That all of the stuff that can go wrong, will go wrong and it will be all my fault.

I’m not adult enough for this. I’m not smart enough to make the best decisions.

Right now I feel like a child who is getting in way over her head.

What if I ruin everything? I can’t repair a credit score or a relationship if I’ve done serious damage to it. I’m so afraid of failing.

 

Should I Cancel My Dream?

As I’ve stated on this blog numerous times, I love Ariana Grande. I’ve even named this blog after her song “Be Alright” because of how much it’s helped me over the years.

I bought tickets to see Ariana on her Sweetner/Thank U Next tour for June but my plan has fallen apart. My boyfriend was going to go with me but after getting promoted at work he can no longer go along with me. I literally asked everybody that I could stand for two days and everybody said no.

So I will be making the trip and going to the show alone.

I’ve never been to this city before so I have no idea what to expect and I’ve never been to a concert alone.

I have been wanting to see Ariana since I became a fan of hers a few years ago. But now that I am going alone, I am now more anxious than I normally would be because of that. The people closest to me in my life are worried for my safety. They’re worried I’ll get kidnapped or something. But the truth is, so am I.

I’m conflicted in my mind, do I cancel my dream of seeing Ariana perform or do I take the risk of going alone to make that dream a reality?

There are so many women who travel alone who are fine but then there are those who aren’t fine. So I’m really uncertain about what to do.

If you have any thoughts about this or if you’re a woman who has traveled alone/gone to a concert alone, please leave me a comment below! I could really use some insight!