I Overcame My Fears!

Guys, I’m back and ready to write about mental health once again! I have a positive story to share today. I overcame my fear of traveling alone (check this post if you don’t know what I’m writing about)!!

Today I got home from my trip to a new city to see my beloved Ariana Grande. As some of you know I named this blog after her song “Be Alright” so seeing her perform was an emotional experience for me. I also plan to get this tattooed on my body at some point soon.

I am about to sound so dumb but I cried multiple times during her show. The first note she belted out my eyes welled up with tears. It was a mix of her amazing voice, disbelief that I was there and how much her music means to me.

When she sang “Be Alright” I was so moved because I really needed to hear those lyrics last night. To translate into regular words, she said, all of these tears will come and go, everything will be alright.

That song has been one I’ve gone back to over and over again when I’m going through a difficult time. “Be Alright” is more than a pop song to me, it is encouragement that things may be hard now but eventually it will be ok. It’s the equivalent of a friend giving me a hug after I’ve spilled my guts to them.

I had tears streaming down my face during her song “Needy”. If you experience anxiety and/or depression, I think there’s a good chance you will also connect deeply with this song. When I first heard it, I cried so of course I cried when she sang it live.

The 2nd verse lyrics are, “Sorry if I’m up and down a lot / Sorry that I think I’m not enough / And sorry if I say sorry way too much.” That sums me up pretty well.

Singing and crying at her show was a wonderful and emotional experience that I am so happy that I had. Overcoming my fears was 100% worth it.

Leave me a comment below of your favorite Ariana song! And even if you don’t enjoy her music still leave me a comment please!

My dad’s favorite is “Bang Bang” which he was disappointed that she didn’t perform, hahaha! My dad is so strange.

My Fears: I’m Not Good Enough

Like my fear that everyone pretends to like me, I’ve had the worry that I’ll never be good enough. I think that is the overarching phrase of my entire existence.

As a child I never thought I was good enough to be a part of anything special or succeed in academics, sports or music.

I remember being in 5th grade, I was selected to be a part of the Four Mile Singers (the school was called Four Mile, hence the name) which was a special singing ensemble for 5th graders.

I went up to my music teacher and told him that I didn’t deserve to be in Four Mile Singers because it was for special people. I told him that I was not special therefore I shouldn’t be in it.

I have blocked that memory out for the most part but every once in a while it creeps back up in my brain. It’s quite painful to think about.

I loved playing the piano but I have never thought I was very good. I took lessons from kindergarten through 12th grade.

I would compare myself to the other students who took lessons from the same teacher. I would hear them play and think, “Wow, I wish I could play like them. They have so much talent!”

By the time I got to high school, I rarely performed in recitals on my own. I would become so incredibly anxious that I would fuck it all up. So my teacher would pair me with other students to do duets, duals and quartets. I loved doing those! I felt confident because I had other people around me to support me.

With friends and boyfriends, I have always thought that they secretly hated me. I’ve always thought that they would leave because I was not enough for them. That I couldn’t provide whatever they were searching for so they would leave to find somebody who could fill that void.

As I am growing up I am feeling this a little less. I am confident in my relationship with my boyfriend, I know that he loves me. I have only a few friends in my actual life (outside from social media and texting). The couple that I have will reach out to chat or even take the lengths to spend time with me.

Every day I have to work towards self-acceptance. I need to accept myself for who I am, not look at what I lack. I do not need to live my life to meet the standards of others. 

May 2019 bring some more self-acceptance! I will be doing a New Years goals list this month. Follow me so you can check it out!

Thank U, Next Mentality

I was writing for another mental health blog and it somehow turned my thoughts around on a situation I’ve been experiencing.

Someone who was my best friend and I are no longer speaking, we are done. After two years of drama, we have unofficially ended things.

She was someone who did not respect my choices, did not support me when my mental health was at an all time low and tried to control me.

She told me that I needed to drop everything to follow a regiment that she created to “get my life and career on track.” This would have required me dumping my boyfriend, quitting my job and moving to a new city. By the end of it, she more or less said that I was a failure compared to our other mutual friends because of my life choices.

Since that conversation and her refusing to apologize for her actions, we have become more and more distant.

In the last few months, talking to her gave me serious anxiety. I was worried that she was going to call me a failure and that I need to change my life again. I hated talking to her because of that fear.

Then Ariana Grande dropped her single “Thank U, Next” and it empowered me.

As I’m reflecting on my ex-friend and I’s former friendship, I was sad and disappointed things didn’t work out. Now I’m saying, “thank u, next!”

This woman brought so much negativity into my life that I am happy to be saying thank you, next. The anxiety that she made me feel was not worth the broken pieces of the friendship that we once had and were trying to put back together.

Shit didn’t work out and now I am ready to move forward and beyond that failed friendship.

Thank u, next!

Be Alright

I love Ariana Grande. When I was at my lowest point two years ago I could play her music and feel better. Her songs improved my mood, her lyrics lifted me when I needed it most.

The name of this blog, Be Alright, is named after her song “Be Alright” from her album Dangerous Woman. If you haven’t heard it, check it out here!

The chorus is what always gave me strength. The words, “Baby don’t you know, all of them tears are gunna come and go. Baby if you’re gunna make up your mind, we decided baby be alright.”

Those lyrics helped me to see that the state I was in would eventually pass. She also helped me to understand that I can choose to be alright (well kinda). It made me feel like Ari was cheering me on and telling me that I can survive this and eventually I can be alright.

For a long time I wasn’t into pop music but after being severely depressed, it was what kept me going. I’m going to make a playlist on YouTube and Spotify of the pop music that encouraged me to continue existing.

I hope you, my lovely reader, will be alright. –Megan

P.S. Here are some other encouraging Ari songs: “No Tears Left to Cry,” “Breathin’,” “The Light is Coming” and  “Break Free.”