So. Much. Anxiety.

It took me a week to ask my coworker if he could connect my computer to the printer. A WEEK! I had no reason to be nervous to ask but my anxiety had me in a chokehold. I had spoken to him numerous times about a variety of topics, he’s a nice dude from what I can tell. But there was something holding me back from asking for help.

My anxiety said, “Megan you’ve had him do so much shit on your computer already, stop asking for help, he’s probably annoyed.” His job is IT guy so it’s what they pay him to do!

On Wednesday and Thursday I had my head between my legs to try and calm myself down because I was so anxious. I tried to listen to some of my favorite pop music to lift me up but it didn’t help.

Every time I get a new job my mental health takes a nose dive. During my 8 hour days I am buzzing with anxiety over speaking to my coworkers and trying to make a good first impression for my boss and supervisor. I leave the office and my mood drops into a depressive state. I force myself to keep busy so I don’t get caught up in my head.

I hope that this anxiety and depression does not last for ages.

New Surroundings

Hello everyone! I have started my new job today and I was absolutely exhausted when I got home. I usually have enough energy to get chores done but today I absolutely could not. I plopped my ass down my the couch with my dog and watched anime.

In past posts (like this one) I’ve spoken about how I once was extroverted but now lean towards an ambivert. That I sometimes get energy from speaking to others while other times it is draining.

Today I spoke to so many people which is not what I am used to. I’m sure every day won’t be like today but I had to meet everyone in the office and have conversations with them. I was with the operations manager all day doing HR paperwork and learning the procedures and the services the organization provides its clients. So much human interaction!!

In my previous job I maybe spoke to 3 or 4 people per day. Today I had to be social which has become increasingly challenging over the years. These new coworkers seem very different from my former ones. They all wanted to chat with me, they seemed like people who know how to hold regular conversations.

The only way I could figure out how to engage with my new colleagues was to ask what their sign was. So I asked nearly everyone what their sign was because I had no idea what to say to anyone. It’s clear they are all friends so it is sometimes hard to fit in to a new work environment when that is the dynamic.

Hopefully tomorrow will involve less human interaction! Cross your fingers for me please!