This morning I was almost out the door for work when I got the empty pain of depression. It sits in my chest making me feel hollow inside.
As I got in my car and began to drive to the office the feeling was still very present. Nothing had happened this morning or last night to make me depressed but sometimes we don’t get to choose when we are depressed. Depression can engulf me anytime it feels like it.
Nagging thoughts kept pushing on my mind about how my boyfriend doesn’t love me and that I’m a worthless human. These thoughts were quiet but I wanted to confront them before they got louder.
I said aloud, “Hey depression, piss off!”
I rarely verbally confront my mental illness like this but I had been feeling good for the past 12 hours and I want to keep it going for longer.
I continued to tell my depression that what it was telling me isn’t true. I know that my boyfriend loves me even when my brain tells me it’s not true. I see his actions and I hear his words that contradict my depression and anxiety.
Instead of letting my depression kick me down to the ground, I am fighting back today.
So to help me keep fighting today, I’m going to do a little list of things that are going well and what I’m looking forward to.
Things going well:
1. My boyfriend and I are doing very well
2. I’ve been keeping up with doing my nails (having my nails painted makes me feel better about myself)
3. I’ve been feeling close with my mom lately
Looking forward to:
1. Therapy on Thursday
2. Getting my windshield replaced today (it has like a foot long crack in it for some reason)
3. Doing yoga after work
I hope that this inspired somebody on this Earth to stand up to their mental illness!